I was a smoker. It took 4 tries before I finally actually quit quit. One time, I had quit for a year, had a really stressful day at work, smoked one cigarette, and was smoking again.
When you’re learning a new skill, say, drawing cats, tying a climbing knot, making gazpacho, hiding a quarter in your palm, you’ll oscillate between
“Yeah, I got this,”
“Uh, no, I don’t got this.”
The more you do it, the more you spend time in the “Yeah I got this” mode.
There’s a saying: 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Which doesn’t mean necessarily exactly 2 x progress and 1 x regress. 2 parts awesome, 1 part suck. It means you go back and forth but overall make progress.
However, this doesn’t quit capture the cyclical swing of change, whether that happens when learning something new, or stopping bad habits, or experiencing shifts in important emotions.
Getting over hurt or heartbreak, for example, you’ll have moments in the fresh clear freedom of forgiveness. Then you’ll swing back to the yuck — heavy hurt, bitter, angry. Over time, the crisp air of freedom expands and flows into most every last nook and cranny.
A process will speed this up. Read a manual on knots. Watch a video a day on gazpacho while you make some amazing batches and some failures. Hide the quarter 101 times in your palm before you try your magic on anyone. Do one worksheet on forgiveness, and later do another. The good moments expand. Freedom expands, if slowly. Peace expands, too, over time.
Feel the wobble, the swing, the oscillation. Note, over time, the deeper shift.